Confused? I have a form for that.

It has recently come to our attention, due the huge amount of standard form emails we’ve been forced to send out, that there may be some confusion about who is allowed to leave a review on our site. In order to ease frustration, we’ve created this simple form for our customers.

1.) Have you heard of this author before today?

-If you answered yes to this question, please stop here. You’re not allowed to leave a review. Only possible friends and relatives would have heard of this author before today.

-If you answered no, please proceed to question 2.

2.) Do you now or have you ever lived within a 200 miles radius of this author?

-If you answered yes to this question, please stop here. You’re not allowed to leave a review. You might have once shopped at the same store.

-If you answered no, please proceed to question 3.

3.) Do you own a cat?

-If you answered yes to this question, please stop here. You’re not allowed to leave a review. According to this author’s Facebook status, they own a cat also.

-If you answered no, please proceed to question 4.

4.) Did you have oatmeal for breakfast?

-If you answered yes to this question, please stop here. You’re not allowed to leave a review. The author’s first Tweet this morning indicated that they had oatmeal once.

If you answered no to all the questions above then you may post your review.

Disclaimer: We are the sole owners of your review and may pull it from our site at any time. Ex: If at some point the author changes and/or adds a family pet or breakfast choice. We also may remove your review for any of the following reasons.

-someone complains

-someone accidently clicks the report button

-customer service is having a bad day

-you haven’t purchased anything from our site in the past 3 days

-the author pisses off a member of our staff.

-if we feel like it.

Thank you and please remember, while we truly enjoyed your money, we really don’t give a shit about your business. Have a nice day.

**Blogger note**

This post was all in fun :-D