Monday, March 19, 2012

Is a lack of feeling in your nether regions costing you friends?

Is a lack of feeling in your nether regions costing you friends?  Do friends let friends faint and fall?  Read this excerpt from "Danger Undercover" and decide for yourself.   




“How many of them do you think saw?”
“Everyone,” chirped Caitlin.
“Everyone,” echoed Autumn.
“Oh my God,” it came out as sort of a horrified whisper, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. 
Autumn placed a hand on her arm.  She knew it was meant to be a comforting gesture, but there wasn’t much comfort anywhere at the moment. “Lena, you can’t let this be the thing that ruins your plan.  By next week nobody will remember this.”
Lena thought that was a bit hopeful.  Why couldn’t life be like the movies, where the women faint when they get overwhelmed?  She screwed up her face, and tried as hard as she could to do just that, absolutely convinced, if she tried hard enough she could pull it off.
“Uh, Lena, are you going to throw up?” asked Autumn. 
Lena crossed her eyes and held her breath.
“Oh no, She’s turning red.”
She let out her breath in a great rush, and whispered, “Would you two hush?   I’m trying to work up a dignified faint here.” 
     They stared at her with identical blank looks.  “Oh, all right.  You would think I could get a little sympathy.  After all, I walked through a crowd of a hundred people with my skirt tucked into the back of my underwear, and I happen to be wearing a thong.  Jeez, friends aren’t what they used to be.”
Caitlin mumbled, “You think you would have at least felt a breeze.”
“See what I mean?  I thought friends were supposed to glare the crowd down, not criticize the lack of feeling in your butt.”
When she expressed this thought aloud, all it got was a “Hrrumph.” 
Lena made a quick scan of the crowd, looking for a certain very tall man, while trying not to make eye contact with any of the people still laughing behind their hands. 
“Okay, I don’t see him anywhere.  I might still be able to salvage this night, so long as the both of you swear never to breathe a word of this to anyone.”  She gave them both her most serious look, and thought she might be recovering a bit from her unfortunate incident, when she heard the rumble of a familiar voice.
“Just had to make an entrance didn’t you?”  Dan said, from behind her. 
She closed her eyes, and placed her hand over them.  She had been in love with Dan Simmons since the first time she laid eyes on him, and he would never see her as anything but a flake.  She turned, pasted on her brightest of smiles, and then did something she was not proud of.  She pretended to faint.

9 comments:

  1. I love it babe... Hehe another one of your books that is full of laughter I am sure. Woo hoo babe. Congrats on re-releasing one of your babies.

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    1. Thanks!! Lena is the character I most modeled after myself :0)

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  2. That was really awesome. I'm stumbling this one, too.

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    1. Thank you so much! :-) This is an excerpt from my very first book.

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  3. OOOOh so funny! That's going one further, possibly two on the whole TP stuck to your shoe!

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    1. You only have to show your butt to the room once and you'll check your skirt for the rest of your life

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