Doris on tour, plus my review

Close Call "-A Doris & Jemma Vageventure"

Close Call is the first installment of "A Doris & Jemma Vageventure" series.

Think Bridget Jones Diary and The Vagina Monologues.

Twenty-two-year-old Jemma can’t seem to get her life in order. Her track record with men stinks, she constantly worries about getting fat and ending up a spinster at thirty. And to top it off, she has to be a bridesmaid at her most-hated cousin’s wedding. She feels like her life is over, until Doris decides to help out. Who’s Doris? Doris is Jemma’s vagina and she thinks more of Jemma than her own brain does. Doris is on a mission to save Jemma from herself, but is the task too much for one vagina to handle?

© 2013 Dionne Lister

Cover by Sol Pandiella-McLeod
·         Official Publish Date: November 28, 2013
·         Genre - Contemporary Woman's Lit & Humor
Available on AmazonBarnes & NobleSmashwordsKoboiTunes, and Sony.
About the Author
Eloise March is a woman who laughs at her own jokes, swears way too much and breaks any new diet by lunchtime on the day she starts. She believes in women’s equality, and all equality for that matter, and hopes the things she writes touch people in a positive way, and make them think about how they can create a better society for themselves and others.
In her spare time, she enjoys living as her alter ego, Dionne Lister — a suspense and YA fantasy author who is way too embarrassed to talk about vaginas. She likes spending time as Dionne because Dionne has an awesome family, wonderful friends and a cat called Lily, oh, and she has great hair.
If you’re looking for Eloise, or any information about future books in the Doris & Jemma Vadgeventure series, you can visit Dionne’s website, where Eloise has been lucky enough to get her own page If you’re looking for a chat, you can find Ms March on Twitter.

Facebook ~ Twitter ~ Website

I got to ask Doris one question. Check it out...

Me: Does Doris prefer one hairstyle over another?

Doris: I prefer trimmed, but not bald. Women shouldn't be bald, plus the regrowth is sooo prickly, and don't get me started on what a pain waxing is — I always lose my voice from screaming. I like to be a bit mysterious when the penis first sees me. Why not make him guess for a bit. And isn't it more of a fun adventure for the penis if he has to investigate, pry open the leaves before he goes pounding into the forest?

Check out this excerpt:

Excerpt from Close Call.

Jemma left the bathroom and walked out into the main bar. Flicking her dark hair over her shoulder with one hand, she approached her friend, Erin. “Any action?” she asked.
Erin, giant silver-loop earrings peeking through her wavy auburn locks and weighing her lobes down, sipped her chocolate cocktail through a straw. “Hmm, there’s a couple of hotties over there. The blonde one’s been checking me out. What do you think?”
Jemma spotted the two twenty-somethings. “Nice. His friend is built, and you know I prefer brunettes.” The girls giggled.
Doris braced herself when they started walking. She was sick of Jemma picking up guys in bars; well, she hadn’t picked up a lot, but the five in the last six months were all losers — the kinds of guys who had their fun then never called again. What made Jemma think these guys would be any different? And Doris wasn’t fooled into thinking Jemma didn’t care; she had to listen to her swearing and crying to her friends when the guys never called back. The things vaginas had to put up with, and there was no escape!
So many times, Doris had information, after talking to the penises of these one-night stands, that Jemma could have used to make more informed decisions. Penises, Doris found, were way more honest than their owners . . . well, mostly.
“So, lovely ladies, can we buy you a drink?”
Doris cringed and heard giggling again, and then Erin spoke, “Yes, but only if you tell us your names.”
“I’m Paul, and this is Aaron.”
Jemma and Erin said, in unison, “Hi,” then turned to each other, said, “Jinx!” and laughed.
Jemma nodded once and mouthed to Erin, “Matching polo shirts.”
Erin grinned in approval.
Aaron spoke to Jemma, “What would you like to drink?”
“I’ll have a gin and tonic, thanks.”
Aaron winked at her, pulling out his wallet. Jemma noticed the fifty-dollar bills peeking over the edge.
“Coming right up, beautiful.”
Jemma melted inside, sending a rush of heat to Doris, who sighed. Here we go, she thought.
Erin’s vagina, Prudence, whispered, “Psst, Doris.”
“What is it?” asked Doris.
“I think we’ll be leaving with this one — I’m getting wet. They must look attractive, because I haven’t heard anything special come out of their mouths.”
 “I know you can’t see me, but I’m rolling my eyes. When will these girls ever learn?”
“I don’t know,” said Prudence. “Men think with their penises, but women can’t hear us.” She sighed. “Oh, dear, Erin is swaying. I think she’s had too much to drink. I’ll say bye now ‘cause we’ll be out of here soon. Good luck.”
“Thanks, Prue. Might see you tomorrow after the girls get dumped.”

“Yeah, more than likely. Okay, bye.”

My review:

5.0 out of 5 stars Get ready to laugh
This review is from: Close Call: A Doris & Jemma Vadgeventure (Kindle Edition)
Oh, if the vadge could talk. LMFAO!! Ever wondered what life is like for the gentler of the genitalia? Close call is just the story to let you know what your nether girl has to say about touchy topics like waxing, dirty public restrooms, and that 'last call' guy you went home with from the bar. This is a hilarious read and you won't want to miss it.


  1. Thanks for hosting the book, Charity, and for the wonderful review. I thank you and Doris thanks you :).


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